How To Fine Dice an Onion

There's another way to peel an onion which is to cut it in half before peeling it. If you're a real man, don't do it. If you're a fruitcake, knock yourself out. If you're female, you're permitted to do anything you want as long as it only revolves around preparing meals for your man, washing dishes and other household duties.

But in all seriousness, large scale establishments peel their onions whole because they keep better in the fridge. So if you're thinking about slaving in a professional kitchen, maybe you should think about peeling onions whole if you don't want to be called Silly. Also, maybe you should think about using a paring knife instead of your fingers to peel onions if you don't want to be called Stupid.

Okay thank you. Go wipe yourself off. Bye.

How To Mince Garlic

If you tend to fall asleep while peeling garlic then do yourself a favour and get a pack of peeled garlic from the store. If you tend to fall asleep while standing in the kitchen then do yourself a favour and get your girlfriend to do the cooking while you watch videos on YouTube. If you're female then what are you waiting for Sleepy? Get back to work and cook your man a good meal!

You done? Go wipe yourself off then. Bye.

How To Peel an Apple

What did I do with those apples after the video?
They got processed into apple jam. Here's a quick run through:
1. Apple scraps (skins, core, seeds, everything), cinnamon stick, few cloves into a small pot, cover with water, no lid, bring to a boil, turn down heat, simmer away for 40 minutes.
2. Thinly slice apples, place in a wide pot, pour about 100 ml apple water over apples, cook over low heat with lid, stir every 10 minutes.
3. Strain apple water, reduce till syrupy, add to apples, continue cooking apples till mushy.
4. High heat, cook off till very little moisture, add to blender, buzz till very smooth, pass through fine mesh strainer/chinois. Done.

Here are a few suggestions on how to use it:
1. Sauce
2. Glaze
3. Baby food
4. Old people food
5. On your chest

The apple jam kind of looks like poop due to oxidation and all the high heat long cooking mumbo jumbo. If you prefer a white product, then you're racist. It's actually very simple, just bleach your skin. But in all seriousness, to make an apple puree:
1. Use green apples instead of red, omit the apple water, toss apples in lemon juice.
2. Add few splashes of brandy/Calvados, few small cubes of butter, apple slices to a wide pot, medium-low heat, lid on, stir every 5 minutes.
3. Once juice leaks out of apples turn up to medium heat, cook and take off heat as soon as it gets mushy.
4. Add to blender, buzz till smooth, pass through fine mesh strainer. Done.

Applications:
1. Sauce
2. Feed senile mother-in-law

Okay thank you. Go wipe yourself off. Bye.